What is the refractory period?
The refractory period is a stage a man enters after ejaculating. During this period, it’s more difficult for him to get aroused. Therefore, erections are more difficult to gain. When a man achieves an erection during his refractory period, it will be a softer erection. It can also be tougher to maintain. Erection losses are not only frequent during the refractory period, but normal. If arousal and erections are harder to reach, so is orgasms. That’s where it gets interesting for premature ejaculation management.
You can have more information about what is the refractory period in our FAQ answer page
Refractory period and premature ejaculation management
The Second Round
Have you ever noticed that if you go for the second round after a first orgasm, you ejaculation control is better the second time? You last longer the second time because you are still in your refractory period. It’s the sweet spot where arousal is partially blocked by the refractory period, but erection is still possible. During this time, you can make love like a man who doesn’t suffer from premature ejaculation.
50 Shades of Refractory Grey
As soon as you ejaculate, the refractory period starts. One thing to keep in mind is that this period is not a black or white situation but a continuum. Imagine the refractory period as shades of grey. Pure black represents the second after ejaculation and pure white is your normal state. If your refractory period last 12 hours, the black will gradually merge into lighter and lighter shades of grey. After the 12 hours, it’s entirely white.
If you want to have a good second round, you have to pass to action when you’re in the right shade of grey. You want to operate where the grey is light enough to obtain an erection but dark enough to block arousal.
Of course, we do not always choose the moment where sex happens. Culturally, we learn that sex has to be spontaneous. Above all, you can’t decide when your partner will be ready get back into action, and this technique kind of force the moment on her.
Still, if you want to use the refractory period as a management technique, it’s good to plan. One thing to keep in mind is that if you the first time was quick, your partner is probably still hungry for it. That’s where a good sexual communication with your partner is critical. If you both aren’t afraid to tell what you want, you should be able to match your refractory sweet spot with her envy.
Continous stimulation is one of the best ways to be ready when your partner is. If you ejaculate early the first time, instead of rolling on your side of the bed until you are ready, why don’t you keep the stimulation going?
Let’s be honest, if you come in 30 seconds, there are good chances that your partner wants more. It’s normal that, after ejaculation, you aren’t inclined to keep the stimulation going. You probably feel the need to roll over your side of bed and sleep. That’s a typical refractory period reaction. However, if you fight this inclination and you keep kissing, caressing, cuddling your partner, you will both benefits. First, your partner will be pleased. Second, if you keep her aroused, it will be easier for you to get your erection when your refractory grey shade is light enough. Third, when you’ll be in your refractory sweet spot, she will be ready too.
One thing to keep in mind though is that the refractory period length varies from one person to another. It’s also age-dependent. The older you are, the longer the refractory period is. If it took you several hours before you arrive in your sweet spot, then the continuous stimulation is probably not an option for you (unless of course both your partner and you are happy with hours-long stimulation).
Still, one of the good sides of premature ejaculation is that you’re probably more sensitive to arousal. Therefore, it can be easier for you to gain an erection during the refractory period than it is for a man who doesn’t suffer from PE. Generally, premature ejaculators have a refractory sweet spot closer to ejaculation than most man.
Importance of physical arousal
Another thing to keep in mind is the importance of genital stimulation. In our cum to fast page, we explain the difference between physical and psychological arousal. Physical arousal is the result of genital touching. Whether you feel aroused or not, if the sensitive parts of your penis are touched, your arousal level will increase. If you are sensitive to physical arousal, it’s possible to get an erection without feeling aroused just with genital stimulation. Psychological arousal is when you feel excited by something. If you feel aroused by a porn video, even if no one is touching your sex, that’s psychological arousal.
As a premature ejaculator, it’s possible that only one type of arousal is enough to get an erection. If you habitually get an erection before your partner touches you, during the refractory period, it may not be the case. Thus, if your partner is not habituated to start genital stimulation before you have an erection, you may want to ask for it.
If you wait to a point where erection happens only with psychological arousal, you may have waited too long, and your refractory grey shade is too light. Therefore, you won’t benefit as much as you could from the refractory ejaculation delay effect.
Limits of the Refractory Period PE Management
As we mentioned, the length of the refractory period will vary from one person to another. Age is a significant factor. If you are 18 years old, this technique can save your sex life. However, at 35 years old, it won’t be as easy as it is now. At 45 or more, it will be almost impossible to rely on this. That’s why, while it’s a proper management technique to satisfy you for a time, it’s not a long-term solution. That’s why we recommend you to take a look at premature ejaculation treatments and search for a more permanent fix to premature ejaculation. Still, the refractory period is an excellent sexual skill to develop if you want more options for coping with premature ejaculation.