Premature Ejaculation and Relationship
If we take a look at the different studies about Premature Ejaculation and Relationship1, we can see that PE negatively affects relationships. The results aren’t really surprising. The negative effects of premature ejaculation aren’t only experienced by men, but also by their partners2. So yes, premature ejaculation could be a burden for a couple. However, in a strong relationship, your partner could be your best ally to overcome your PE. In fact, when a couple faces a sexual difficulty together, they could take this opportunity to strengthen their bond and their sexual life.
Yes, PE Sucks
Sadly, studies show that men suffering from PE in a relationship often feel distressed and have the impression of not satisfying their partners. Some are worried that their PE could cause their partners to be unfaithful. The majority of them suffer from a decrease in sexual-confidence3.
If you are one of those men, and you are feeling that premature ejaculation is ruining your relationship, it’s time to act. While some woman doesn’t care about premature ejaculation, it’s possible that your partner is bothered by it. That’s why, if you haven’t done it yet, it’s time to talk with your partner to clear the air.
Act Before It’s Too Late
If you never addressed the subject with your partner before, it’s time to do so. I know, it’s not an easy talk to have. But let’s be honest, it’s not something you can hide. Maybe you are ashamed of your premature ejaculation condition. You shouldn’t. Take the time to read the different pages on this site to better understand the condition. The more you’ll know about PE, the less it will be difficult to talk about it.
If you and your partner are already openly talking about it, great; you guys are a step ahead a lot of couples!
The last thing you want to do is to ignore your problem. If your partner isn’t bothered by your PE, you’re just stressing for nothing. If she is, probably she would like to speak with you about it but doesn’t know how to do it. In this case, do you want to be the kind of guy who ignores his problem? Overlooked issues always end up by catching up.
Know What She Feels
Once the communication is open, it’s time to be 100% honest with each other. This talk may hurt your feeling, but it’s important to know where your partner stands about your PE. What does she feels when you come quickly?
You may be surprised by her answer. Some girls don’t really like penetration and are okay with their man having PE. Others would like to increase penetration duration. A lot of women are more troubled by their man’s reaction to a quick ejaculation than the rapid ejaculation itself. You may learn that what’s really bothering her is when you roll on your side of the bed, feel bad, and stop giving her any affection after a rapid ejaculation.
Explain How You Feel
Surprisingly (or not), a lot of girls don’t know a lot about ejaculation control and men’s sexuality. Some may think that you ejaculate quickly because you want to. If they think so, they might believe, wrongfully, that you are selfish by ejaculating rapidly without considering her pleasure.
Even if she knows that it’s not entirely under your control, what does she really knows about PE? If you have read some pages on this site, you should know about premature ejaculation causes. Once she knows that premature ejaculation could have organic reasons on which you can’t have any control, maybe it will change the way she thinks about your condition.
The point is, if you want to overcome this issue together, you both need to understand how each other feel.
How to overcome PE in a Relationship
As stated, the first step to overcome premature ejaculation is to have a good talk with your partner. Once you both know how you feel about it, if you guys want to changes something in your sexual life, it’s time to find solutions.
Solutions can be classed into two categories, the short-term fixes, and the long-lasting solutions.
Short-Term Management Solutions
Even if a long-term solution is what you seek, if you aren’t satisfied with your current sex life, there are quick fixes that you can apply as soon as today. The trick is to adopt, as soon as possible, a positive approach to sex. If you do so, the long-term solutions will be more effective.
Develop Your Other Sexual Skills
So, you had the talk. You know what she feels about your PE. If she admitted that she isn’t completely sexually satisfied, it’s time to find other ways to satisfy her. You should read more on how to please a woman in bed. Sex is a learnable skill, so learn it. More importantly, all woman are different and like different things and approaches. That’s why your tongue is your most useful sexual organ, and I’m not talking about oral sex, but the importance of communication. Use your tongue to speak to your partner about what she likes. The more you’ll understand what she expects from your sexual relation, the more you’ll be able to give her orgasms and sexual satisfaction4.
Even if your tongue main use is speaking, don’t forget that most women couldn’t achieve orgasm by penetration only without clitoridal stimulation5. So, it can be a good idea to develop other sexual skills instead of just focusing on penetration.
PE Management Techniques
Still, even with a better sexual communication and better overall sexual skills, you might still want to increase your ejaculation control. If longterm solutions exist, there are some quick tips to last longer in bed. Of all those tips, one that can give improve your sex life as soon as today is the refractory period management technique.
Another thing you can use today to start your quest to overcome PE quickly is delay products. Those products specially designed for premature ejaculation could desensitize your penis and should be able to make you last longer in bed.
Long Terms Solutions
Contrary to the short terms fix, the long terms solutions demand a bit more time and investment.
One of the causes of PE is the lack of arousal control. One of the best ways to learn how to control our arousal control is sexual re-education exercises. You can do those exercises alone, but if you are in a healthy relationship, it’s even better to do it with your partner.
If you want to make sure that you perform the exercises correctly, The Between Us Clinic has created a new premature ejaculation program for couples. The Program was created in cooperation with Dr. Zvi Zuckerman, a medical doctor and a certified sex therapist. You can read here our review of the program.
If the exercises do not show any results, maybe there is some psychological or relationship burden that stops you from progressing. Professional sex therapy could also be an option.
Finally, since PE also has neurologic and hormonal causes on which we can’t work on, drug treatment of premature ejaculation could be envisaged by couples who’ve tried all other avenues.
When both partners suffer from a sexual dysfunction
Like we explained on the What Women Think of Premature Ejaculation page, men with PE have more chance to have a partner with a sexual dysfunction on her own6. When both partners suffer from a sexual dysfunction, it can be hard to work on both at the same time. However, the fact that both partners suffer could make some of the solutions above harder to implement. If it’s the case, a sex therapist or a relationship counselor could be a great help.
- Rosen R, Althof S (2008) Impact of premature ejaculation: the psychological quality of life and sexual relationship consequences. J Sex Med 5(6):1296–1307
- Rowland D, Patrick D, Rothman M, Gagnon D (2007) The psychological burden of premature ejaculation. J Urol 177:1065–1070
- Symonds T, Roblin D, Hart K, Althof S (2004) How does premature ejaculation effect a man’s life. J Sex Marital Ther 29(5):361–370
- Frost DM, McClelland SI, Dettmann M (2017) Sexual Closeness Discrepancies: What They Are and Why They Matter for Sexual Well-Being in Romantic Relationships. Arch Sex Behav. 2017 Mar 31. doi: 10.1007/s10508-017-0960-2.
- Herbenick D, Fu TJ, Arter J, Sanders SA, Dodge B. (2017) Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. J Sex Marital Ther. 2017 Jul 5:1-12. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530.
- Riley A, Riley E (2005) Premature ejaculation: presentation and associations. An audit of patients. Int J Clin Pract 59:1482–1487, Hobbs K, Symonds T, Abraham L, May K, Morris M (2008) Sexual dysfunction in partners of men with premature ejaculation. Int J Impot Res 20(5):512–51