I’m a half full kind of guy. I believe that you can find good points in every situation, even premature ejaculation. Yes, for a lot of reasons PE sucks1. Focussing on the bad sides of PE is easy. Still, if you know how to deal with premature ejaculation, you can start to appreciate the good side of premature ejaculation.
We Developed Better Sexual Communication Skills
First and foremost, premature ejaculation helps you develop good sexual skills. For this reason alone, I’m glad to be quick. As you can read on our How to Please a Woman blog post, I think communication is one of the most important sexual skill a man can have.
Not Afraid of the Hard Talks
One of the first step to overcoming premature ejaculation in a relationship it’s to talk about the issue with your partner. Yes, this talk could be hard. It’s hardly pleasant to confront his problem.
However, once you start talking about problems, you understand that’s isn’t so hard. You may be uncomfortable first, but this sensation will go away quickly, and you’ll soon realize that we should discuss more sexual issues. The more your partner and you will talk openly about sex, the better your sex life will be.
The Talk Reflex
Once you open the communication with your partner on PE, you can start looking for solutions. Together, you’ll be able to browse all the possible treatments to premature ejaculation. You’ll learn soon enough that hard talks pay off. If you had never spoken to your partner about your problem, you would never have been able to manage your PE together.
This will help you develop a talk reflex. When a problem arises, you’ll learn to talk about it and search for solutions instead of ignoring problems.
Good at Making Others Talks
I won’t lie, woman sexuality is complicated. While most men’s arousal and orgasms are straightforward, most women are more complicated. The same woman could sometimes like it smooth, gentle and romantic, other times they prefer more rough, bestial approach. While some girls never have difficulties reaching an orgasm, some are never able to. Most of them can sometimes, but not always2. And some girls don’t care about always getting an orgasm, other feel bad about it. How can we know where to stand?
One of the good sides of being an excellent “sexual communicator” is that, by being at ease talking about sex, you ease it for others too. That’s a valuable skill to have in a relationship. The more you can make your partner talk about what she likes, what she wants, what she fantasizes about, the easier it will be for you to please her. The opposite is also true: if your girl isn’t shy to tell you what she doesn’t like, what she doesn’t want and what turns her off, the better you’ll be. Unfortunately, a lot of girls don’t feel comfortable to speak about what she likes and doesn’t like. If you know how to talk about sex, and how to help other talks about it, your partner won’t be this girl.
We Are More Empathic
With a better sexual communication comes better empathy. It’s proved that premature ejaculators tend to end up more with a partner who suffers from a sexual difficulty of her own4. As we endure ourselves from a sexual dysfunction, we are better placed to understand what she feels. We are also in a better position to help her reach her full sexual potential if we fight a sex issue of her own.
When we consider that the estimated proportion of woman who’ll suffer from at least one sexual dysfunction is her life is approximately 40% to 50%5, that’s kind of a big advantage we have here.
Better Refractory Period Management
What is the refractory period you may ask? In short, it’s a period where a man enters after ejaculation. During this time, arousal, erection, and orgasm are more difficult for men. That’s why men can’t be multi-orgasmic like women, and they need a pause after ejaculating. Even if both your partner and you still want to continue, if you’re in the refractory stage, your man down here won’t respond.
That’s where your premature ejaculation can be useful. If you ejaculate early the first time, there’s a chance that your refractory period will be shorter. Also, if you’re the type of guy you get aroused easily, you won’t have to wait until the end of the refractory period to re-engage. That’s part of the refractory PE management technique. But more importantly, thanks to your good communication skills, you are more conscious of your woman’s desire. So, you’re not afraid to keep the fun going with your “other sexual skills” during this period if your partner wishes so.
We Developed “Other” Sexual Skills
Speaking of “other sexual skills,” as premature ejaculators you are more prone to develop the art of clitoridal stimulation. A lot of men who suffers from premature ejaculation have learned “other” ways to please their partner. Instead of focusing on vaginal penetration, those men learned manual and oral stimulation techniques. When we consider that less than 20% of women could orgasm only with vaginal penetration, knowing how to use his fingers and tongue is not a bad skill to have. Mainly when we have excellent conversations skills, and we know what our woman like and want.
We Truly Love
The fact that premature ejaculators are easier to get aroused isn’t all bad. Yes, we would like to last longer in bed. With a better ejaculation control, we could better please our partner, but also ourselves. Still, Truth is we all love to be loved. And while we would like to be able to love longer, our partners won’t ever felt unappreciated while making love with use. And for me, that’s the most important thing: that my partner always feels loved.
- Symonds T, Roblin D, Hart K, Althof S (2004) How does premature ejaculation effect a man’s life. J Sex Marital Ther 29(5):361–370, Porst H, Montorsi F, Rosen RC, Gaynor L, Grupe S, Alexander J (2007) The Premature Ejaculation Prevalence and Attitudes (PEPA) survey: prevalence, comorbidities, and professional help-seeking. Eur Urol 51(3):816–823
- Herbenick D, Fu TJ, Arter J, Sanders SA, Dodge B. (2017) Women’s Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94. J Sex Marital Ther. 2017 Jul 5:1-12. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1346530.
- Riley A, Riley E (2005) Premature ejaculation: presentation and associations. An audit of patients. Int J Clin Pract 59:1482–1487, Hobbs K, Symonds T, Abraham L, May K, Morris M (2008) Sexual dysfunction in partners of men with premature ejaculation. Int J Impot Res 20(5):512–51
- McCabe MP, Sharlip ID, Lewis R, Atalla E, Balon R, Fisher AD, Laumann E, Lee SW, Segraves RT (2016) Incidence and Prevalence of Sexual Dysfunction in Women and Men: A Consensus Statement from the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine 2015. J Sex Med. Feb;13(2):144-52. doi: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2015.12.034.