Cum Too Fast? Learn Why
If you lack control over your ejaculation and you ejaculate sooner than you would like, you may suffer from premature ejaculation. You can learn more on What is Premature Ejaculation or the Causes of Premature Ejaculation on those pages, but here’s a quick explanation on why you cum too fast.
How does ejaculation work?
Ejaculation is a reflex. It occurs when you meet a certain threshold of arousal. Just like any reflex, it is involuntary. Thus, you can’t have any control on it. However, you can control (at least modulate) your arousal.
Your arousal is like a balloon that inflates until it contains too much air and bursts. When there’s too much air in the balloon, there’s nothing you can do; it’ll explode. If you want to delay the “explosion,” you’ll have to learn how to let less air in your balloon or how to let some air out.
How does arousal work?
Arousal is the way our body prepares us for reproduction by leading men to erection and ejaculation.
In our example, our balloon is inflated by air. In sex, stimuli inflate arousal.
A stimulus is something that excites our senses. It could be the view of the naked body of our partner, her smell, her moaning, our touch, etc. Anything that we can see, smell, hear, taste or touch are stimuli interpreted by our brain.
Our brain can consider a stimulus sexually arousing or not. For example, for heterosexual men, the view of an attractive naked woman would be, most of the time, considered sexually arousing by our brain and it would increase our arousal level. On the other hand, the view of a wooden chair would do nothing to our arousal level.
Arousal works on two levels. There’s a physical and a psychological component to arousal.
The psychological aspect of arousal is when you feel aroused. It’s your brain interpreting stimuli as arousing. You see your beautiful naked partner; it provokes something in you. You’re heart rate increase, and you can feel your sex becoming harder. It’s the start of an erection, one of the first reaction to arousal.
While some men can gain an erection only by psychological arousal, other would need physical stimuli on top of their psychological arousal.
Physical arousal occurs when someone touches your sex. While in most case, physical arousal happens at the same time of psychological arousal, it can occur independently.
Most of the time, when your partner touch your sex (physical arousal), you are already psychologically aroused by other stimuli (like the view of your partner). Still, physical arousal can happen without psychological arousal. For example, for research purposes, scientists can test your response to physical stimuli by plugging your sex to an equipment that induces an electric current. This purely physical arousal could be enough to provoke an erection and ejaculation even if you do not feel aroused by the experience.
The opposite may also happen. While most men need physical arousal to ejaculate, some premature ejaculator can ejaculate without any genital stimulation. Just the view of a sexually arousing scenario can be enough to make some men ejaculate. This is the case with ejaculatio ante portas, the condition where the man ejaculates before penetration. In this situation, the man doesn’t need any physical arousal to orgasm.
Arousal Response: Why You Cum Too Fast
The reason why some men cum too fast is because each man responds differently to arousing stimuli. Let divide our arousing level on a scale of 10. Zero is the point where you are not aroused at all and 10 is the point where you ejaculate. Let say that you get a full erection at 5. At 2 you’re starting to get hard without having a full erection.
Imagine a simple scenario. You are with your partner and you exchange kisses. She undresses you while you do the same for her. You are both naked. This simple scenario can be interpreted differently by different guys.
The Average Guy Response
Jim Case (normal psychological and physical response)
Jim is an average guy in term of arousal sensitivity. Jim’s arousal level would be at 1 after the kissing and at 2 after the undressing stage. Thus, he has a soft erection and a lot of room left for the next steps. When genital stimulation begins (for example his partner start masturbating him), he should be able to last for a long time.
The Premature Ejaculation Response
Mark Case (sensitive psychological response and normal physical response)
Mark is a premature ejaculator and he is way more sensitive to psychological stimuli than Jim. When the kissing stage becomes more intense, he starts anticipating what will come next and he became more psychologically aroused than Jim. His arousal level is at 5 while everybody still has their clothes on. When they finally get undressed, Mark already has an erection. The fact of seeing his partner naked is enough to inflate his arousal level from 5 to 7. Unlike Jim, he doesn’t have 8 stages of arousal left, but only 3. When things get more serious, Mark will ejaculate quicker than that Jim.
John Case (normal psychological response and sensitive physical response)
Now, imagine John. John is also a premature ejaculator, but unlike Mark, he has a reasonably good response to psychological stimulation. In fact, his arousal response is the same as Jim’s. The difference between Jim and him it’s the physical arousal response. As soon as genital stimulation occurs (masturbation in our example), his arousal level will increase quicker than Jim, and he will not last as long as him.
Matt Case (sensitive psychological and physical response)
Matt is a severe premature ejaculator. Just like Mark, his arousal level is sensitive to psychological arousal. But unlike him, he is also sensitive to physical arousal (like John). So, he will be at 7 after the undressing, and he will get at 10 almost as soon as the physical stimulation happens. That’s why Matt come even faster than Mark and John.
The 4 arousal responses
As you can see, Matt will come faster than John and Mark, and John and Mark will come quicker than Jim. Here is a graph that compares the 4 arousal responses with an estimation of the time they will last while stimulated by their partner:
Why my arousal level is sensitive?
The way your brain and nervous system react to arousal is not totally understood, but we suspect endocrinal (hormones) and neurological causes. For example, a diminished serotonin level is linked to a more sensitive arousal. Some psychological and behavioral reasons are also suspected. You can read the Premature Ejaculation Causes page for more information.
Is it possible to be less sensitive?
Our goal is to be able to modulate our arousal response. In a perfect world, we would be able to stop the increase of arousal while it’s high enough to have pleasure but still before it’s too close to the ejaculation point. Somewhere between 7 and 8. We call this arousal response the plateau. Some men can sustain this plateau as long as they want. They have a perfect arousal control.
Mastering the plateau response is hard, even for a guy who has an average arousal response like Jim. Some exercises and therapy (home remedies self-therapy, or professional sex therapy or online therapy could help you improve your psychological arousal response.
If you want to test your physical arousal response, you can try the premature ejaculation training test.